I was over checking out one of my fellow BLM Girls The Chic Stay At Home Mom, and she was questioning the validity of the idea that there is a “mom gene“. I suppose if there is a mom gene I don’t have it. I imagine this to be the gene that is responsible for women who want to have children from the time they are in preschool.
Here’s the thing; there’s no such thing as a mom gene. If there was how would you explain women who never thought they wanted children and turn into great mothers? And if you want to know a secret, I’m one of those women. I don’t like kids. I really don’t. OK, maybe to be more accurate I don’t fawn all over kids. I’ve never been the kind of person to see a baby and get” baby fever”. I wasn’t in love with being pregnant. I don’t want to do it again. But, I love my son fiercely. I can’t imagine anything more enjoyable or precious than being HIS mom. If I had another kid, I probably wouldn’t like it as much. Well maybe that’s not true either. I just don’t have the bug. I don’t get all my jollies from waking up early to drag someone else out of bed. The thought of packing school lunches and being a room mother doesn’t seem like heaven on earth. Again I simply love my son. I love my family. I’m proud that my life has brought me to this place. I am in love with a wonderful man. We decided to have a wonderful kid. I take the responsibility of raising him very seriously. That’s it.
There seems to be this war now between parents and non parents. I don’t know when it started, but it really seems a little stupid to me. I have a great deal of respect for people who have children. It’s not an easy job. I have the same amount of respect for people who choose not to have children, because the get a lot of flack for it. I despise the idea that all people who choose to have children are nothing more than “breeders”. As though the desire to have a child makes one ignorant or inferior. I also think it’s nasty to categorize people without children as selfish or uncaring. Either way, taking a serious inventory of your life and figuring out if there is room enough for another person in it is an admirable task. So why don’t we stop transferring our insecurities onto each other.
I think reports and studies like these do more to divide us that anything else. They seem to serve no other purpose than to give one side more ammunition for their argument. At the end of the day we each have to do what is best for us. Nobody else has to live my life. Not one person but me is going to be responsible for my choices.
Are you on either side of this debate? Does the idea of a mom gene make you feel better or worse?